HELPING KIDS COPE WITH SEPARATION AND DIVORCE

Helping children cope with divorce: Suporting your child through a divorce

There are many ways you can help your kids adjust to separation or divorce. Your patience, reassurance, and listening ear can minimize tension as children learn to cope with new circumstances. By providing routines kids can relay on, you remind children they can count on you for stability, structure, and care. And if you can maintain a working relationship with your ex, you can help kids avoid the stress that comes with watching parents in conflict. Such a transitional time can't be without some measure of hardship, but you can powerfully reduce your children"s pain by making their well-being your top priority.

A child"s list of wants: What I need from my mom and dad

• I need both of you to stay involved in my life. please write letters, make phone calls, and ask me lots of question. when you don"t stay involved, I feel like I"m not important and that you don"t really love me.

•  Please stop fighting and work hard to get along with each other. Try to agree on matters related to me. When you fight about me, I think that I did something wrong and i feel guilty.

• I want to love you both and enjoy the time that i spend with each of you. Please support me and the time that I spend with each of you. If you act jealous or upset, I feel like I need to take sides and love one parent more than the other.

• Please communicate directly with my other parent so that I don"t have to send messages back and forth.

• When talking about my other parent, please say only nice things, or don"t say anything at all. When you say mean, unkind things about my other parent, I feel like you are expecting me to take your side.

• Please remember that I want both of you to be a part of my life. I count on my mom and dad to raise me, to teach me what is important, and to help me when I have problems.

Helping Children cope with divorce: What to tell your kids

When it comes to telling your kids about your divorce, many parents freeze up. Make the conversation a little easier on both yourself and your children by preparing significantly before you sit down to talk. If you can anticipate tough questions, deal with your own anxieties ahead of time, and plan carefully what you"ll be telling them, you be better equipped help your children handle the news.

What to say and how to say it

Difficult as it may be do, try to strike an empathetic tone and address the most important points right up front. Give your children the benefit of an honest ---- but kid-friendly---- explanation.

• Tell the truth: Your kids are entitled to know why you are getting a divorce, but long-winded reasons may only confuse them. Pick something simple and honest, like "We can"t get along anymore". You may need to remind your children that while sometimes parents and kids don"t always get along, parents and kids don"t stop loving each other or get divorce from each other.

• Say "I love you": However simple it may sound, letting your children know that your love for them has"t changed is a powerful message. Tell them you'll still be caring for them in every way from fixing their breakfast to helping with homework.

• Address Changes: Preempt your kids questions about changes in their lives by acknowledging that some things will be different now, and other things won't. Let them know that together you can deal with each detail as you go.

Avoid Blaming:

Its vital to be honest with your kids, but without being critical of your spouse. This can be especially difficult when there have been hurtful events, such as infidelity, but with a little diplomacy, you can avoid playing the blame game.

• Present a united front: As much as you can, try to agree in advance on an explanation for your separation or divorce--- and stick to it.
• Plan your conversations: Make plans to talk with your children before any changes in the living arrangements occur. And plan to talk when your spouse is present, if possible.
• Show restraint: Be respectful of your spouse when giving the reasons for the separation.

How much information to give:

Especially at the beginning of your separation or divorce, you"ll need to pick and choose how much to tell your children. Think carefully about how certain information will affect them.

• Be age-aware: In general, younger children need less detail and will do better with a simple explanation, while older kids may need more information.
• Share logistical information: Do tell kids about changes in their living arrangements, school, or activities, but don"t overwhelm them with the details.

Keep it real: No matter how much or how little you decide to tell your kids, remember that the information should be truthful above all else.

Helping children cope with divorce: List and reassure 

Support your children by helping them express emotions, and commit to truly listening to these feelings without getting defensive. Your next job is reassurance-- assuaging fears, straightening, misunderstanding, and showing your unconditional love.

Help kids express feelings:

For kids, divorce can feel like loss: the loss of a parents, the loss of the life they know. You can help your children grieve and adjust to new circumstances by supporting their feeling.

Listen: Encourage your child to share feelings and really listen to them. They may be feeling sadness, or loss or frustrations about things you may not have expected.

Help them find worlds for their feelings: Its normal for children to have difficultly expressing their feelings. You can help them by noticing their moods and encouraging them to talk.

Let them be honest: Children might be reluctant to share their true feelings for fear of hurting you. Let them know that whatever they say is okay. If they aren"t able to share their honest feelings, they will have a harder time working through them

Acknowledge their feelings:  You may not be able to fix their problems or change their sadness to happiness, but it is important for you to acknowledge their feelings rather then dismissing them. You can also inspire trust by showing that you understand.  

  

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EFFECT OF DIVORCE ON CHILDREN

Children and Divorce:

For children, divorce can be stressful, sad and confusing. At any age, kids may feel uncertain or angry at the prospect of mom and dad spitting up. As a parent, you can make the process and its effects less painful for your children. Helping your kids cope with divorce means providing stability in your home and attending to your children needs with a reassuring, positive attitude. It won"t be a seamless process, but these tips can help your children cope.

In the last few years, higher quality research which has allowed the "meta-analysis" of previously published research, has shown the negative effects of divorce on children have been greatly exaggerated. In the past we read that children of divorce suffered from depression, failed in school, and got in trouble with the law. Children with depression and conduct disorders showed indications of those problems predivorce because there parental conflict predivorce.

Researchers now view conflict, rather then the divorce or residential schedule , as the single most critical determining factor in children"s post-divorce adjustment. The children who succeed after divorce, have parent who can communicate effectively and work together as parents.

Actually, children"s psychological reactions to their parents divorce vary in degree dependent on three factor

1. The quality their relationship with each of their parents before separation,
2. The intensity and duration of the parental conflict, and
3. The parents ability to focus on the needs of children in their divorce.

Older studies showed boys had greater social and academic adjustment problems than girls. New evidence indicates that when children"s have a hard time, boys and girls suffer equally, they just differ in how they suffer. Boys are more externally symptomatic then girls, they act out their anger, frustration and hurt. They may get into trouble in school, fight more with peers and parents. Girls tent to internalize their distress. They may become depressed, develop headaches or stomach aches, and  have changes in their eating and sleeping patterns.

A drop in parents income often caused by the same income now supporting two households directly affects children over time in terms of proper nutrition, involvement in extracurricular activities, clothing (no more designer jeans and fancy shoes), and school choices. Sometimes a parent who had stayed home with the children is forced into the workplace and the children experience an increase in time in child care.

A child continued involvement with both of his or her parents allows for realistic and better balanced future relationships. Children learn how to be in relationship by their relationship with their parents. If they are secure in their relationship with their parents, chances are they will adapt well to various time-sharing schedules and experience security and fulfillment.

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USA BEST DIVORCE LAWYERS

1. Robert B. Pollack

THE POLLACK LAW P. C. is related "SUPERB"

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Experience:  17 years

Law School:  Pece University School Law - Pece University New York

Jurisdiction:  Eastern District of New York (Federal Court) 

                         Southern District of New York (Federal Court)

About Robert Pollack:

THE POLLACK LAW FIRM, P. C whose principle attorney is Robert B. Pollack,Esq, is a LONG ISLAND law firm which practice only in the areas of Divorce, all other matrimonial matters and all Family Law matters. Related as "SUPERB" by the prestigious Avve.com and recipient of Avvo"s coveted "Client Choice Award" for 2013 and 2014. THE POLLACK LAW FIRM, P. C. is a highly reviewed and recognized boutique law firm devoted solely to the practice of divorce and all phases of divorce, all matrimonial and family law. THE POLLACK FIRM LAW, P. C. focuses its practice on divorce and all other aspects of matrimonial and family law, including but not limited to divorce, separation, annulment, custody,visitation,spousal maintenance and distribution of assets. Post judgement proceedings for enforcement of child support or other orders, modification of support or custody orders and all other issues whether before, during or after a matrimonial action takes place. The Pollack Law Firm, P. C. also prepares prenuptial and post nuptial agreements. Our firm is proactive, aggressive ans extremely "client centered" meaning, all client receive personal attention with prompt call backs and response to client need and concern. We are proud that other attorneys refer to and consult with The Pollack Law Firm, P. C. on complex cases. Decisions in cases litigated by Mr. Pollack have been published in The New York Law Journal, Newsday, The Daily News. The New York Post and on internet sites around the United States and abroad.

2. Holly Ostrov Ronai

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Experience:  18 years

Law School:  Benjamin N. Cardozo School of Law - Yeshiva University

Jurisdiction:  New York

Practice Areas:

Asbestos & Mesothelioma

Medical Malpractice

Personal Injury

Products Liability

3. Thomas S. Russo

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Law School:  hofstra University School of Law - Hofstra University

Jurisdiction:  New York

Practice Areas:

Medical Malpractice

Personal Injury

Employment Law

4. Peter Howard Tilen

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Experience:  23 years

Law School:  Pace University School of Law - Pace University Connecticut  New York  2nd Circuit  U. S. Supreme Court.

Jurisdictions:  United States District Court, District of Connecticut

                         United States District Court, Eastern District of New York

                         United States District Court, Southern District of New York

 Practice Areas:

Criminal Law
DUI & DWI
Estate Planing
Landlord Tenant
Personal Injury
Probate
Real Estate Law

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What is Divorce law?

Divorce Law:

Divorce is the termination of  a marital union, or the dissolution of marriage. The canceling and or reorganizing of the legal duties and responsibilities of marriage, thus dissolving the bonds of matrimony between a married couple under the rule of law of the particular country and/or state. 

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EFFECTS OF DIVORCE

Effects Of Divorce:

Some of the effects associated with divorce include academic, behavioral, and psychological problems. Although this may not always be true, studies, suggest that children from divorced families are more likely to exhibit such behavioral issues than those from non-divorced families.

Divorce effects and prevalence:

It may be helpful to understand a little about divorce and the typical effects it has on men, women and children. The divorce rate in the United States is the highest in the world. Fifty percent of marriages end of divorce. Sixty-seven percent of all second marriages end in divorce. As high as these figures are, what is also true is that the divorce rate appears to be dropping.

 The reasons for this change are not clear, many people cannot afford to divorce,many people cannot afford to marry. Another reason is that "baby boomers", who account for a large proportion of our population are no longer in their 20s and 30s, the ages when divorce is most prevalent. 

The societal expectation is that divorce life is less satisfying than married life.Divorce is associated with an increase in depression--- people experience loss of partner, hope and dreams, and lifestyle. The financial reality of divorce is often hard to comprehend: the same reasons must now support almost twice the expenses.

Fifty percent of all children are children are divorce. Twenty-eight percent of all children are born of never married parents. Divorce is expensive. Aid for Dependent Children (AFDC) resources are drained by the needs of divorced and single parent families; including the cost of collecting child support.

• Psychological  Effect
• Socioeconomic Effect
• polygamy And Divorce
• Effects of Divorce On Children

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Types Of Divorce

Types Of  Divorce:

> Contested Divorce

 
> At-fault Divorce
> Summary Divorce
> No-fault Divorce

> Uncontested Divorce

> Collaborative Divorce

> Mediated Divorce

Types of Divorce :

Despite this, in some countries the courts will seldom apply principles of fault,but might willingly hold a party liable for a breach of a fiduciary duty to his or her spouses (for example, see Family Code Sections 720 and 1100 of the california Family Code). Grounds for divorce differs from state to state in the U.S. Some states haneno-fault divorce; some state require a declaration of fault on the part of one partner or both; Some states allow either method.

In most jurisdictions, a divorce must be certified (or ordered by a judge) by a court of law to come into effect. The term of the divorce are usually determined by the courts, though they may take into account prenuptial agreements or post-nuptial agreements, or simply ratify terms that are spouses may have agreed to privately (this is not true in the U. S, where agreements related to the marriage typically have to be rendered in writing to be enforceable). In absence of agreement, a contested divorce may be stressful to the spouses.

In some other countries, when the spouses agree to divorce and to the divorce, it can be certified by a non-judiciary administrative entity. The effect of a divorce is that both parties are free to marry again.

Contested Divorce:

Contested divorce means that one of several issues are required to be heard by a judge at trial level___ this is more expensive, and the parties will have no pay for a lawyer"s time and preparation. In such a divorce the spouses are not able to agree on issue for instance child custody and division of marital assets. In such situations, the litigation process takes longer to conclude. The judge controls the customs the outcome of the case. Less adversarial approaches to divorce settlement have recently emerged, such as mediation and collaboration divorce settlement , which negotiate mutually acceptable resolution to conflicts. This principle in the United States is called "Alternative Dispute Resolution"  and has gained popularity.

At-fault divorce:

Before the late 1960s, nearly all countries that permitted divorce required proof by one party that the other party had committed an act incompatible to the marriage. This was termed "grounds" for divorce (popularly called fault) and was the only way to terminate a marriage. Most jurisdictions around the world still require such proof of fault. In the United States, no-fault divorce is available in all 50 states, as is the case with Australia, New Zealand, Canada and other Western countries.

Fault-based divorce can be contested; evaluation of offences may involve allegations of collusion of the parties (working together to get the divorce), or condonation (approving the offence), connivance (tricking someone into committing an offen or provocation by the other party. Contested  fault divorce can be expensive, and not usually practical as eventually most divorces are granted. Comparative rectitude is a doctrine used to determine which spouse is more at fault when both spouse are guilty of breaches.

The grounds for a divorce which a party could raise and need prove included desertion, abandonment, cruelty or adultery. The requirement of proving a ground was revised (and withdrawn) by the terms of no-fault statutes, which became popular in many Western countries in the late 1960s and early 1970s. In no-fault jurisdictions divorce can be obtained either a simple allegation of irreconcilable differences, irretrievable break-down , or incompatibility with respect to the marriage relationship, or on the ground of de fectoo separation.

Summary divorce:

A summary (or simple) divorce, available in some jurisdictions, is used when spouses meet certain eligibility requirements, can agree key issues beforehand.
      Key Factors:
No-fault divorce:

Some western jurisdictions have a no-fault divorce system, which requires no allegation or proof of fault of either party, barest of assertions suffice. for example, in countries that require irretrievable breakdown, the mere assertion that the marriage has broken down will satisfy the judicial officer. A yes is enough, even if the other party vehemently says no.
In custody cases, court might consider factors that may appear like fault based issue but really related to protection of the child or children. These may include but are not limited to one or both parents substance abuse, history of violence,cruelty,instability,neglect or endangerment.

• Short marriage (less then 5 years)
• No children (or, in some states, when the spouses have resolved custody and set child support payments for children of marriage)
• Minimal or no real property (no mortgage)
• Marital property is under a threshold (around $35,000 not including vehicles)
• Each spouses personal property is under a threshold (typically the some as marital property)

Uncontested divorce:

It is estimated that upwards of 95% of divorce in the U.S. are "uncontested", because the two parties are able to come to an agreement (either with or without lawyers/mediators/collaborative counsel), children, and support issues.
When the parties can agree and present the court with a fair and equitable agreement, approval of the divorce is almost guaranteed. If the two parties cannot come to an agreement, they may ask the court to decide how to split property and deal with the custody of their children, Though this may be necessary, the courts would prefer parties come to an agreement prior to entering court.

Collaborative divorce:

Collaborative divorce is a method for divorcing couples to come to agreement on divorce issues. In a collaborative divorce, the parties negotiate an agreed resolution with the assistance of attorneys who are trained in the collaborative divorce process and in mediation, and often with the assistance of a neutral financial specialist and/or divorce coach(es). The parties are empowered to make their own decisions based on their own needs and interests, but with complete information and full professional support. 

Once the collaborative divorce starts, the lawyers are disqualified from representing the parties in a contested legal proceeding, should the collaborative law process end prematurely.

Most attorneys who practice collaborative divorce claim that it can be more cost-effective than other divorce methods, e.g. going to court.

Mediated divorce: 

Divorce mediation is an alternative to traditional divorce litigation. In a divorce mediation session, a mediator facilitates the discussion between the two parties by assisting with communication and providing information and suggestions to help resolve differences. At the end of the mediation process,the separating parties have typically developed a tailored divorce agreement that can be submitted to the court.

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Divorce And Separation

Introduction: 

         

                           Divorce And Separation

 

 A divorce formally dissolves a legal marriage. Divorce grounds vary significantly from country to country,religious to others religious. while married couple do not possess a constitutional or legal right to divorce, states permit divorces because to do so best serves public policy. To ensure that a particular divorce service public policy interest some states require a "cooling or period" which prescribed a time period after legal separation that spouses must bear before they can initiate divorce proceedings.
Law:

Divorce laws considerably around the world. but in most countries it requiers the sanction of a court or other authority in a legal process.The legal of divorce may also involve issues of alimony (spousal support),child custody,child visitation,access parenting time,child support,distribution of property,and division of debt.

Courts in the united States currently recognize two types of divorces; absolute divorce known as "divorce vinculo matrimonii" and limited divorce,known as divorce a menso et thoro. To obtain an absolute  divorce courts require some type of evidentiat showing of misconduct or wrongdoing on the spouses part. An absolute divorce is a judicial termination of a legal marriage. An absolute divorce results in the changing back of both parties statuses to single. Limited divorce are typically referred to as separation decrees. Limited divorces result in termination of the right to cohabitate but the court refrains from officially dissolving the marriage and the parties statuses remain unchanged.Some state permit conversation divorce. Conversation divorce transforms a legal separation into a legal divorce after both parties have been separated for a satutorily prescribed period of time.

Many states have enacted no fault  divorce statutes. No fault divorce statutes do not require showing spousal misconduct and are a response to outdated divorce statuses that require proof of adultery or some other unsavory act in a court of law by the divorcing party. Nevertheless, even today, not all states have enacted no fault divorce statutes. Instead, the court must only find........
1. That  the relationship is no longer viable

2. Irreconcilable differences have caused an irremediable breakdown of the marriage

3. That discord or conflict of personalities have destroyed the legit end of the marital relationship and prevents any reasonable possibility of reconciliation, or

4. That the marriage is irretrievably broken.

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